is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
