Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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