I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
