Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
