my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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