She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
