If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
