I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's Friday. Sex?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
