I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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