You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
