Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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