Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
