I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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