Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
