remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
