I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
