Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
