His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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