i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
