i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
