My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
