How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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