The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
