you win again, gameday.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
