I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
