were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
