I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
