found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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