I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
