I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
