my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
