wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think i have two assholes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
