so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need a beard to bite.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize