Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
