i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
