Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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