he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
