I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
