I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it's like heaven, but drunker
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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