I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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