a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
