i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize