he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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