So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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