The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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