Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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