That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize