you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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