I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize