Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize