It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
