He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
