we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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