OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
