Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
