no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
