Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
