just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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