first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
