your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
