im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
