we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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