I cut my penus on the lid.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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