Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
