Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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