whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
