he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just want to make out with him forever
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
