She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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