can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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