they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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