i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
