I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize