Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How external is "for external use only"?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
