Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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