his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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