you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize