Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
