How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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