Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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