Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
